After the Pink Bubble Bursts

"When I saw my Oncologist not too long ago, I told himintolerable 6-months previous), I had lucked out and
"I feel like a low-flying albatross is circling over myfinally was referred to an aggressive surgeon who
head."wasted no time in treatment.
I was diagnosed with Stage IV advanced MalignantFebruary, March and April encompassed three
Melanoma that was predicted to take my life byseparate surgeries. By June, I had felt like a different
September this year -- upon diagnosis back inperson. After you're sick for so long and then you feel
February.like a person you'd almost forgot, it's an incredible
The problem with cancer is that unlike other diseases,feeling.
you're not likely to feel pain until after the cancer hasSadly, that was short lived. By September, I noticed the
grown to a point where, if malignant, might be tooweight I had gained back was beginning to drop, my
advanced and decrease your chance of survival.energy level had waned and I feel pain constantly
Worse yet, at least in my case, their seemed to be awithin my shoulder -- approximately 15 lymph nodes
mass exodus of friends and support as soon as Iwere removed along with the tumor.
started looking sick. For almost a year, while trying toI was scheduled for the all the periodic Pet scans, CTs,
find a surgeon who would remove a tumor on myMRIs a few months ago, but decided not to have it
shoulder that had now grown upward to over 5 cm. Itdone. "If something is found, most likely it means more
was constantly bleeding and the fluid it produced wassurgery and this time it's likely to be in a less
also effecting other areas of my body via theconvenient area than before." Moreover, it also means
subcutaneous layer of the skin.that it had definitely metastasized and the likely-hood
At times, it felt like razor blades were slicing my veinsof survival was moot.
in both arms."This 'head-in-the-sand' attitude is extremely dumb on
I believe, in hindsight, that had it not been for the factmy part; however, unless you have cancer, you
that I simply didn't have the resources, I would havewouldn't understand.
taken my life.On a positive note, I'm working hard to regain my 'Pink
Finally, in February this year (the cancer becameBubble', if just for a while.