Overcoming the Fear of Responsibility

How do you even begin to find a solution to this fear?• To answer for you?
To begin, write here under what is your definition to the• How long are you going to be someone
word responsibility (this definition is very important,you’re not?
write it here before you keep reading, we will re-checkHow and who on freaking god gave you the idea that
something again in this context).if you give someone else your life, your will be happy.
__________________Stand up for your life; it is yours and only yours
__________________Winston Churchill said once:
__________________."History will be kind to me for I intent to write it!
What is “taking responsibility”?What are you intending on writing today for it to be
As children it was much easier, all you had to do wasyour history tomorrow".
say:Life is divided to four:
I’m hungry! I want to eat, I’m thirsty, I want1. The first part is the time we take to find what we
something to drink!want to do.
Today isn’t much different, we still say the same2. The second part is the time we take to decide
things, but because we are supposedly adults, ourwhether to do it.
sayings are more relevant to adults.3. The third part is the time we take to find when
We’ve grown use to say what our condition is, andwould be the best time to do it.
what we want, and from that moment on, we enter4. The forth part is the time we need to understand
standby mode.why we didn’t do it.
You can wait for someone to come and serve youBreak this scheme; it is in your hands.
beverages, food, salary, buy you a house, give youThis waiting is a product of our fear.
money, you can wait for the same man to come toBut the fear is a product of waiting.
you and offer you a better job, offer you a raise, anYou can choose to stop this process once and for all
executive position, you can wait for the potential clientby acting.
to call you and ask for your service, or product, youYou can achieve all you want by making simple and
can wait for love, you can wait for a phone call fromsmall action, initiate a phone call that will lead to more,
your parents to renew the relationship, you can waitmake contact, publish an add, promote a meeting or
for your child to approach you and say he needs help,conversation, go to arranged meetings, so you could
you can wait for a girl to come to you and offer to gomeet more people with whom you can establish
have a drink, you can wait for a man to come to you“networking”.
and tell you there’s no need for you to be hereGo to your boss and ask a raise, approach that girl
today, go home and spend time with your kid, withand ask for her number, ask for a discount, ask for
your wife.help.
You can go on waiting, I guarantee you it will not come.One of my clients once told me: if I take responsibility
But once you’re waiting, and in waiting status, howI’ll have to decide, and by that I might endanger my
many times do you find yourself waiting for a call fromdream, if I decide and will be responsible for something,
a friend, male or female, how many times do you findI might make a mistake, everyone will hate me,
yourself waiting for an invitation from a girl, how manyAnd if that client won’t take that responsibility,
times do you come home from work, or reach aisn’t that a bigger risk?
certain place, and wait for someone to ask how wasThere are those who claim that fear from taking
it? How many times do you wait to be offered yourresponsibility exists because we do not want to make
dream job, to be offered a raise, or even aa mistake.
partnership?Learn to forgive yourself for past errors, they are
How many times do have you found yourself waitinggone, one mistake in the past doesn’t mean that
for someone to hear an idea you told a close friend intoday it will happen again.
the local pub, for that person that heard it to get upA mistake is a mistake only if you do it again, if you
and approach you with a will to fund you and yourdon’t, then it is but a lesson.
idea? How many times have you waited for newIn one of the biggest computer companies in the world,
clients to come into your shop, or your office, how longI was invited to help train one of the top ranking
have waited for good and devoted employees toexecutives there, because he is suppose to take over
come looking for a job, how long have you waited forfor the CEO, the president of the firm and the rest of
a journalist to come to your rebellion and ask youthe management are sure of his skills, and his abilities,
about your field, and even publicize you on the paper?but every time he gets a project, he doesn’t decide
How long have you waited to be offered a discount aton his own, but calls another person, sometimes the
suppliers? How long have you been waiting forcurrent CEO, and sometime another colleague, to get
something good to happen in your life?his perspective of the matter, he tells them that this is
How long have you been waiting for that perfect girl tobecause he wishes to show commitment, and to
bump into you in the street and fall to your feet? Howshow that he is not driven by ego, but by the
long have you kept waiting for the same girl at thecompany’s best interest. But after several
office to ask for your number?conversation the real reason emerges, he mentioned
How long have you been waiting for the right deal tothat once they give him their opinion, they have
come to you?decided for him, and if there’s a blunder, or
How long have you been waiting to make money?something doesn’t work out, they are to blame and
Waiting status is a situation where in fact you passnot him. The CEO himself was a shrewd and
your fate to the hands of other people, not implyingexperienced businessman, and could not hide the fact
that they’re not good people, but you’re notthat he knew, and so we decided together to find
necessarily in their highest priorities. A waiting timeways to avoid the question and answers, and so each
isn’t defined, but it is known that it can last a wholetime he called to ask for his opinion, he found a reason
life time; you have the power to change this.to finish the conversation quickly, without revealing his
We’ve grown use, up from childhood that once weopinion. And because he had schedule, he had to find
say, cry, or give any sign, or put on our puppy eyesan answer within.
look, we immediately get what we want.This changed everything, for as the number of cases
And up to a certain age, our parents are even obligedbegan to grow, he decided more things alone, and that
to this, even by law.led him to be surer of his personal opinion and
But who’s committed to respond to you today?judgment.
I’ll tell you!In one of the meetings, he was asked, what he would
Only you, only you are committed to yourself, to makelike to be thought of by the management.
you tomorrow better for you! Only you.He responded, quite quickly, that he wanted to be
We cannot give ourselves more times, we cannotregarded as:
control time, whether we do something or don’t; it• A leader.
will go on, but we do have the power to control the• A decision makes.
waiting time.• A man who understands.
This time is the time where everything comes dressed• Professional.
negatively, the fear, the criticism, apprehensions,• Ethical.
worries, the frustration, the anxiety.• Respect.
“The waiting time is filled almost always with• And a man that much can be learned from him.
thought we do not want to hear”.And when he was asked what people think of
The waiting time is self-feeding, for we know that thesomeone that confers with people on anything?
longer the waiting time is, the more room for doubt andHe answered:
negativity, for fears and apprehension, and as soon as• Unconfident.
they enter and fill the cavity of the waiting time they• Inexperienced.
bring us to a situation where we prolong out decision• Unprofessional.
even further, or the execution, and thus we create• Lacking knowledge at the field.
even more doubts and fear that again lead to a longer• Not a leader.
waiting time. “Diminish the waiting time, and thus• A minor employee.
decrease your negative thought”• Weak.
“And for sure will reduce your fears, for once we• Nothing can be learned from him.
do this, we will have a reverse circulation, there isWhen I showed him the two answered he understood
nothing negative to feed the waiting time, and thusthat by choosing to act that way he distances himself
there is action, this action can produce us a positivefrom all he dreams.
reaction, which will lift our self-esteem, and ourNow it’s your turn!
confidence at our own abilities, and thus they will rise,What would you like people to think of you? At work,
taking responsibility comes from a place where weat home, and in a business?
know we can._________________
A small tip for dealing with negative thoughts:_________________
One of the best known tricks in the world, both in the_________________.
medical and the alternative therapies, for dealing withTo your opinion, what do people whom you know, and
concern and negative thinking is preoccupyingwhose opinion matters to you, think of a man who
one’s self. But what you do is totally up to you!does not take responsibility?
“If whenever the will rises you will go and do it, the_________________
desire will shortly become shorter than the waiting time,_________________
it would seem just as real to you"._________________.
You can bring yourself to a place of content withoutWhat do you think of those people who do not take
feeling immediate hunger or thirst.responsibility, and prefer other to take responsibility for
By going and taking – approach and ask, suggest,them?
raise, do!_________________
But there’s still a huge gain for not taking_________________
responsibility._________________.
Not taking responsibility means, to strengthen yourIn what areas in your life don’t you take
belief of your own incompetence, and even legitimizeresponsibility?
to everyone what you believe of yourself, here are_________________
some examples of what beliefs and thoughts I’m_________________
talking about:_________________.
1. It's not my fault I am the way I am.Should you take responsibility for these areas, what do
2. I never asked to be born.you think would happen, how will your life be in that
3. I want you to fix me I don’t have the power.area?
4. Life is unfair! There is no sense in trying to take_________________
control of my life._________________
5. Why go on; I see no use in it._________________.
6. You can't help me, nobody can help me. I'm uselessNow, for each of the fields you’ve mentioned, write
and a failure.by it details of actions, which should you, carry them
7. There is no way I'll ever be able to handle this.out, would signify taking responsibility for you.
8. I can’t handle the pressure._________________
9. I don’t care what happens._________________
10. Stop the world; I want to get off._________________.
11. I have no luck.And now to phase 2.
12. I am not smart enough.The schedule.
13. If only I had better luck and had been born to aOne of the ways to solve the fear of taking
healthier family or attended a better school, or gotten aresponsibility problem is setting a timetable, a schedule.
better job, etc.So we will begin by you choosing one subject, one
14. How can you say I am responsible for whatarea of your life that you’ve written down as an
happens to me in the future? There is fate, luck, politics,area where you don’t take responsibility, write it
greed, envy, wicked and jealous people, and otherdown on a separate paper, and add the actions you
negative influences that have a greater bearing on myclaim if you carry them out that would signify for you
future than I have, surely I have no control on it.taking responsibility.
15. How can I ever be happy, seeing how bad my lifeTo that, add the date in which you will begin.
has been so far?I’ll just add that people have a tendency to set a
16. It is my parents fault.round and convenient time for beginning.
17. The problems in my family have influenced who IFor instance in the beginning of the year,
am and what I will be; there is nothing I can do toAt a birth day,
change that.When I get into the job position,
18. No matter how hard I work, I will never get ahead.When I move out,
19. I am not made of the right material.When I get married,
20. You have to accept the luck of the draw.When I get divorced,
21. I am who I am; there is no changing me.When I lose weight,
22. No one is going to call me crazy, depressed, orWhen I have a baby,
troubled and then try to change me.When I’ll buy a car,
What are your thoughts, what do you tell yourself isWhen I’ll buy a house,
the reason for not taking responsibility?The beginning of the month,
_________________The beginning of the week,
_________________When I get back from vacation,
_________________.After the holidays,
What are you waiting for?On my anniversary day,
How long do you intend to wait?When the office is ready,
Who among you can tell me he does not dream ofWhen the house is clean,
success, of a perfect duality, to ask a date from a girl,Etc.
to be wanted, to be extraordinary good at something,But that way we create a margin between today and
who doesn’t dream of his business to becomethe said day of execution.
profitable, who doesn’t want to be the best friend,And so we create new time and new room for
the father every child dreams of.postponing, which we know from our past, we enable
The perfect husband. Who doesn’t want to inventand give room for negative thoughts to rise and stir
a patent to be sold in millions, to release an amazingdoubt in us, and our strength.
disc, to write a best seller, to be a reveredBy doing so, we shoot ourselves in the leg.
businessman on the American “Forbs”We’ll try to compare this to passing between two
magazine, to be a spiritual leader to many, to be apoints, in which we dig a hole and cover it with a lot of
public figure, a politician, to win a medal, to stand in fronttrees and grass; we create ourselves a trap that’s
of an audience and hear their cheers at the end of thehard to not fall for.
lecture, to be independent, to be admitted into the mostWrite here now what your new definition to the world
wanted firm in the field, and much more.responsibility, a definition that you are willing to live by, a
But what do you do when this desire emerges?definition that every time you’ll remember it
Are you one of those who tell themselves how nice ityou’ll feel better, and every time you remember it
could be if it would be so, if you would wake upyou’ll strengthen you will to take responsibility.
tomorrow to this reality.___________________
And a smile appears on their face, thinking what they___________________
would do with all that success, what they would buy,___________________.
where they would travel, how their lives would look,I remember a case where I met a doctor who knew
what kind of wife they would have by their side.he would be a doctor ever since he was born, not
And when all these wonderful thoughts end, they lookbecause he wanted to but because he needed to
down, and see the current reality, and drop their sails,continue the family tradition, he’s still a doctor today,
and stop drifting.his grandfather has passed away, his father too, and
And another dream is washed away, as if it neverhis son is already in his second school year,
was.To the question what would you do if you could relive
A bit sad I would say, isn’t it?your life he answered me once, to become an actor.
And the waiting for the fulfillment of these dreams canHe chose to play his family’s life game, but his own
be eternal; no one but you has the commitment andhas yet to be discovered.
responsibility to bring them to you.Don’t follow the path expected of you, but go on
How long?your own way, that one’s that’s right for you.
How long will you sit and allow other to live for you?You got to do what you got to do, in order to be want
• To choose for you?you want to beAnd that my friend is with taking the
• To dream for you?responsibility for.
• To talk for you?